These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
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Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
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Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
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Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
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Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
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Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
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Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which
I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
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Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
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And A Favorite....

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
______________________________________

Defendant: I remember when I was in your courtroom in 1956 when you was a municipal judge.
The court: I don't think we should go into that.
Defendant: Not guilty, too.
The court: Well, we all make mistakes, sir, but you didn't make one.
Defendant: Well, you made one. I was guilty

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Q. What was her response to that information?
A. She said she would take the child if she couldn't have her visit with him.
Q. Were those her exact words?
A Her exact words were she would take the ****ing kid.
Defendant: I never said that. You're a ****ing liar!

______________________________________
Q. Are you presently employed?
A. No.
Q. When was the last time you were employed?
A. I was self-employed.
Q. When?
A. When? All my life.
Q. What was the nature of your self-employment?
A. I was a thief.
Q. And did you have a particular specialty as a thief?
A. Burglar.

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DA. Okay How much earlier had you used cocaine?
Defendant: I was getting high all that day.
DA. All right. So you were using cocaine. Were you free-basing cocaine?
Defendant: No. I bought it.
The Court: We can put that one in the judicial humor book.
______________________________________

Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
A. No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!

______________________________________
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.

Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No.
______________________________________
Q. Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

______________________________________
Q. What is your name?
A. Ernestine McDowell.
Q. And what is your marital status?
A. Fair.

______________________________________
Q. Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.
______________________________________

Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?
A. I will be three months November 8th.
Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?
A. Yes.
Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time?
______________________________________

Q.Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?
A. I should be.
Q.How many times have you comitted suicide?
A. Four times.
______________________________________

Q. Were you aquainted with the deceased?
A. Yes, sir.
A. Before or after he died?

______________________________________
Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words.

______________________________________
Q. What happened then?
A. He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q. Did he kill you?
A. No.

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THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.

______________________________________
Q. Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A. No.
Q. What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A. Picking them up in the air.
Q. Where was the dog at this time?
A. Attached to the ears.

______________________________________
Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.

______________________________________
Q. What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A. She is my daughter.
Q. Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
______________________________________
Now, you have investigated other murders, have you not, where there was a victim?
______________________________________
Q. ...and what did he do then?
A. He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Q. So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
______________________________________
Q. Did you tell your lawyer that your husband had offered you indignities?
A. He didn't offer me nothing; he just said I could have the furniture.
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Q. So, after the anesthesia, when you came out of it, what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
A. I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
Q. It was covered?
A. Yes, bandaged.
Q. Then, later on.. what did you see?
A. I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and put on top of my head.
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Q. Could you see him from where you were standing?
A. I could see his head.
Q. And where was his head?
A . Just above his shoulders.
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Q. What can you tell us about the truthfulness and veracity of this defendant?
A. Oh, she will tell the truth. She said she'd kill that sonofabitch - and she did!
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Q. Do you drink when you're on duty?
A. I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
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Q. ..any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
A. The victim lived.
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Q. What is the meaning of sperm being present?
A. It indicates intercourse.
Q. Male sperm?
A. That is the only kind I know.
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Q. (Showing man picture.) That's you?
A. Yes, sir.
Q. And you were present when the picture was taken, right?
______________________________________

Q. Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

__________________
'I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.'
-- Mark Twain

ROFL
Ik kan mij voorstellen datter echt van die idioten zijn

__________________
"De jeugd van tegenwoordig houdt alleen maar van luxe, heeft slechte manieren en veracht de autoriteit.
Zij heeft geen respect voor oudere mensen. De jeugd verpraat de tijd terwijl er gewerkt moet worden, schrokt bij de maaltijden het voedsel naar binnen, legt de benen over elkaar en tiranniseert de ouders..."
- Socrates, 2400 jaar geleden... -